There’s a football game this afternoon, so I’ll attend the Spanish Mass next week. And instead of focusing on writing a 5-page paper for Tuesday, I’m going to see if I can smuggle a bottle of water into the game by strapping it to my calf with my belt.

6 hours later: Operation Stealthy Smuggler was a raging success. Anyone who bothered to look at my lower leg would have noticed a very strange lump beneath my jeans, but nobody bothered to look. Though I was worried by the presence of a moderately watchful cop at one side of the entrance area, it was simple to keep distance and people between us, and I passed the gate without incident. “Here’s your stub, enjoy the game… next!”

After the gate I had a long ramp to climb and no crowd in which to hide. I heard keys jingle behind me and instantly imagined a staffer or cop jogging to catch me, but it was just a slow-moving fan, and I soon rounded a corner to safety. Obviously, no staffer or cop has more than one pair of eyes. With that in mind, I may bring an accomplice to the next game for strategic distractioning.

I sat down in an inconspicuous place to disassemble the sock/belt harness. I guess grand conspiracies require a lot of blood flow, because I noticed then that my heart was racing. I put my belt back on, took my poker face off, carried my water bottle to my seat, and enjoyed the game.

A bulletin board in the SUB says a Spanish Mass is held each Saturday at 5:30 PM near campus. I’m quickly figuring out that speaking and hearing a language is the best way to learn it, and I’ve never attended a mass before, so I may give it a shot this week.

I’m almost certainly going to minor in philosophy, and I’d like to major in it, but that will require 12 more hours of courses. The good news is that those 12 extra hours are electives of any level, but the bad news is I’ll only be able to do complete them with two 18-hour semesters and three 17-hour ones. But I’d like to try.